4/13/20

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4/14/20

I can't believe it's already been almost two years I started this blog. At the time I feel like I was in a very confusing and ambivalent space of mind; I was lost in what my passions were and did not have much direction in life. But throughout those two years, I've learned so much. I found what I love to do and want to pursue for the rest of my life (this would probably change in a few years, however) and somewhat have a sense of purpose. I think I am much more ambitious and driven than before and much more confident (I still have very much the same insecurities as two years ago). Yet still, I feel like I have nothing. I sometimes catch myself dwelling on what "I could have done" or what "I should have done", which really restricts my mentality. As I am writing this, I feel like a potato. A whole garbage bag. What's the point of writing this blog when no one is going to read it? Maybe one day I'll look back at this blog and see how much I've grown again, as I've done right now. My school year is slowly coming to an end, and I see myself become super anxious about what I dreaded the most since freshman year: college applications. Ugh. So. much. freaking. writing. Since I don't have a "great" GPA, my essays really do need to stand out. Although my resume is pretty stacked (or I hope it is), I still feel like it is insufficient to get into the college that I really want to go to. My SAT score sucks, according to multiple diagnostic tests. 

Now I'm catching myself thinking about the negative stuff. Again. The reason I came back to this blog was because I needed that same feeling of purpose in life as I was two years ago. I remember starting this at around 3 am because I had nothing else to do. Right now, I have nothing else to do. Just watching videos and I found myself soooo exhausted. Not exhausted by doing so much work but exhausted of not doing anything. Is that even a real feeling? Anyways, I view self-worth as productivity, so today's not a very good day; I was so unproductive, I am nothing now.

I will work hard from now on since I've lifted some of that stress and repressed thoughts in my life as I am writing/journaling.

8.4

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❝Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.❞

Phyllis Diller

8/4/18.

Today was quite a good day. I went to the mall with my running friends, and watched Mamma Mia! 2. It feel good to meet with these girls. We ate dinner together too. 

I took a hiatus from this blog. I don't know the reason yet, but July was a resting period for me. A lot has gone so far too. I took a video production summer camp, as well as a running club too. Unfortunately, I injured my right knee, but it's getting much better. I hope I can set a new personal record again this season. I really, really hope that I set new physical boundaries and achieve a sense of accomplishment. I hope I also become more productive for the new school year too. May tomorrow be a more productive day.

6.30

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❝Work without love is slavery.❞

mother theresa

6/30/18. Okay day.

6.29

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❝We are saved by faith alone, but the faith that saves is never alone.❞

martin luther

6/29/18. Okay day.

6.28

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❝The Simple Path 

Silence is Prayer 

Prayer is Faith 

Faith is Love 

Love is Service 

The Fruit of Service is Peaces.❞

Mother theresa

6/28/18. Okay day.

6.27

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❝To have faith is to trust yourself to the water. When you swim you don't grab hold of the water, because if you do you will sink and drown. Instead you relax, and float.❞

Alan w. watts

6/27/18. Okay day.

6.26

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CMYK 32 0 42 0

❝There comes a time in your life when you have to choose to turn the page, write another book or simply close it.❞

shannon l. alder

6/26/18. Okay day.