5.29

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❝Forget yesterday - it has already forgotten you. Don't sweat tomorrow - you haven't even met. Instead, open your eyes and your heart to a truly precious gift - today.❞

Steve maraboli
Life, The truth, and being free

5/29/18. By far the worst day of 2018. I had a hard time falling asleep last night, making me to feel super anxious. My thoughts raced in my mind and I couldn't make myself feel relaxed. Then again, I woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning and then I felt out of place the whole morning. I felt my eyes fill up with tears as soon as I stepped afoot at school. I had no feeling, but an emptiness and hollowness inside me. Then during break, I completely lost it and started to cry in front of my "friends". Then I realized that none of the people that I sit with noticed that I was crying. I felt like nobody cared about me, and felt even more anxious and invisible. Then it was advisement, and sat next to my usual group of friends. It literally took my friend for more than half the class to notice that I was clearly crying. I thought I did everything to care for her when she was once having a bad day. Then I realized that she doesn't care about me. What did I ever do to her? I felt like I meant nothing even though I tried every way possible to make her feel better when she was feeling upset. Then it was time for my english class. I felt like every inch of my body was about to throw up at the thought of performing in front of the entire class. I told my teacher, then she sent me to the counselor. I went then spilled out everything that was gnawing at my thoughts this entire time (I mean by everything since I moved here). I was bawling my eyes out. Even my own words surprised me because I was so used to not opening up to anybody because no person would ever care when I needed help. Then lunch came and I felt so alone. Yesterday, my group of friends went out to hang out without inviting me. Technically, they made a group chat saying that they wanted to hang out sometime, but they went by themselves without telling me the location or time. I felt like I wasn't even a part of them anymore. Why would they forget that I was their friend? Then I went to my math class and took the end of the year test. I went to cross country practice and didn't do anything because I didn't feel like running. Anyways, I hope tomorrow is a much better day than today.